Be a part of something big

What if my Little doesn’t talk to me at first?
Some children aren’t used to having an attentive listener and are uncomfortable talking.

Here are some pointers…

Use humor to get conversations going; there’s nothing like a good laugh to break the ice. (Your match support team can give you great tips on this.)

Keep intermittent eye contact; look at your Little when he/she is talking, and smile when it’s appropriate.

When your Little is talking, make sure he or she knows you are not distracted, and be an active listener: Tell me more about that, What happened next?,  How did you feel? (Not: Why did/didn’t/won’t you?, How could you?, etc.)

Be aware of your body language and facial expressions…avoid folding your arms, rolling your eyes, frowning, or otherwise showing disapproval.

A few things that effective Bigs tend to do consistently:

They understand that their role is to be a friend. Our Littles already have caring teachers and parental figures in their lives. Effective Bigs add the simple but powerful element of someone who freely chooses to be part of a child's life, someone who likes and respects him/her, and believes in his/her potential.

They listen—really listen. They actively try to get their Little to talk about what is important to him/her; they remember what their Littles have said or shared, and follow up with interest.

They keep their promises. They make a commitment to their Little and show the child that they think their time together is valuable and important.

They understand that this relationship can often look and feel one-sided. Sometimes it may feel like you are making all of the plans and all of the calls. That’s okay. Consistently initiating contact and making plans will help develop trust and show your Little that you care about him/her.

They involve their Littles in deciding what to do with their time together. These Bigs take time to see what kinds of things their Littles like to do. Again, it makes the Little feel like you really care about him/her.

They believe in magic. When having fun is a priority, you both get to explore new ideas and share experiences neither of you might otherwise have—that's where the magic is.

They keep in contact with their Match Support Specialist. Successful Bigs return phone calls or emails from their MSS.   Recognize that sometimes they don’t have all of the answers. Your MSS will help you understand what is happening in your relationship so that you can prevent problems from developing down the road.

Successful Bigs also:

Accept their Little or their Little’s family as they are. It’s not about changing what is already there, but about impacting their lives in a positive way.

Don’t become frustrated when their Little doesn’t call.

They stick to their schedules. Missed and cancelled outings are disappointing,
so they make sure their meetings are consistent.

They put friendships first. Improved grades, attitudes and behaviors will come with time.

Learning from each other

Littles may come from living situations, family backgrounds, religions and cultures different from that of their Bigs’. Take turns learning about each other’s family and/or cultural traditions, and learn about your Little's life, environment, and perspective on the world from the start. Remember: as a friend, you add to your Little’s values—you don't change the ones he or she has.

Some Littles have experienced trauma or loss in their lives. Young people (and adults, too!) don’t always have the words to express how they feel, or even know why they feel the way they do. Understand that your Little may not see the world the same way, or be as carefree, as other children you know. Sometimes kids do or say the opposite of what they really mean because they’re confused or scared of getting hurt. Your match support specialist is there to help with situations like this, and to give sound advice on what you’re experiencing.

Keep an open mind. You may not agree with the choices your Little or her/his family is making, but your role is to listen and be a friend. By example, your Little will learn that there are many positive ways to approach situations, and make choices in life.

Children are strongly affected by the behavior and values of the people they admire and look up to. By example as a responsible caring adult, you add choices to your Little’s future, and make a positive impact in his or her life.